My mother desires me to want her new husband a cheerful Father’s Day. I’m 51 years previous.
DEAR ABBY: My mom has simply knowledgeable me that she expects me to ship her and her new husband anniversary playing cards yearly, and Father’s Day playing cards from her husband. I used to be 51 when Mother remarried, three years after my father’s loss of life. She sends her husband a birthday card from her and I textual content him on Father’s Day, however I really feel pretend sending him Father’s Day or anniversary playing cards. Her husband will not be my father. He has his personal grownup youngsters from him.
By the way in which, Mother and her husband do not ship me Mom’s Day playing cards. I do not need her husband to suppose that I think about him my father. I might really feel disloyal to my father if I did what she calls for. Are my mom’s expectations cheap? Ought to I ship playing cards simply because she desires me to? — FUNNY ENOUGH
DEAR FUNNY: Ship your mom and new husband an anniversary card, as you’d any buddy or member of the family you wish to congratulate. For her to anticipate you to deal with her new husband, a “new addition” to her household, as a father determine is ridiculous. Why are you texting him on Father’s Day? He by no means was and by no means might be your “father”, and I do not suppose you need to be introduced all the way down to fulfill mother’s fantasies.
DEAR ABBY: After my mom died a number of years in the past, my father’s typically violent habits flared. A couple of years in the past, I made a decision to cease spending time with him. My sister, who has acquired, and will proceed to obtain, important monetary help from Dad, is scolding me for it. I’ve requested her to respect my selection and to cease criticizing me, however she continues to contact me, asking to see me, accusing me of “punishing” her and my father for “nothing”, and vaguely apologizing for him regardless of particular habits. .
My dilemma is whether or not I ought to maintain attempting to speak along with her. I would wish to see her youngsters, however I am unsure if she’ll respect my boundaries if I see her in individual. Her continuous haranguing is traumatic. I am bored with being labeled a punishing, oversensitive shrew for attempting to set boundaries with my dad. Nevertheless, I hate slicing off all contact along with her, since I will not be seeing my father. Is there a center floor? Or am I losing time attempting to speak with somebody who will not take heed to me? — FAMILY PROBLEMS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FAMILY PROBLEM: Inform your sister that you simply love her and that you’d very very like to see her and her youngsters. with a situation: You do not wish to discuss your fractured relationship along with your father. Ask her if she will be able to respect your needs, and make it clear that if it is too troublesome for her, you may perceive and will not go to her. you do not have to do anyone thing that makes you’re feeling uncomfortable, and you shouldn’t enable your self to be pressured into contact with an abuser.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
